I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
