I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pants are for mortals
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
