One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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