so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
