so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
