the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
