someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
