dude i'm inner monologue high
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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