As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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