i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
