it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
3 2 1 whiskey
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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