Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
