Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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