you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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