exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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