I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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