im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
