Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
