Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The power of my boobs compel you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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