I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
being pregnant is like rehab
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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