We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
