is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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