cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
