Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
