apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
