Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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