My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
