I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize