Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
