Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
