if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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