he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
