P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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