arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
