do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
