You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
