All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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