So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
