Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just found out that she named her cat after me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
