i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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