The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
