I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize