I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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