I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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