There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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