i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I want is dick and wine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
