So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize