Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
