You work out of a Hotel?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
