Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
