I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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