you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Buhtt sex?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
