I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
