I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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