He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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