i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
