YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
