everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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