Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
