Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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