speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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