i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
