Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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