If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize